Free Range Naturism

Naturism => General Naturism Discussion => Topic started by: John P on May 17, 2019, 02:10:31 AM

Title: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: John P on May 17, 2019, 02:10:31 AM
First nudist: "Have you read Marx?"
Second nudist: "Yes, it's these wicker chairs that do it."

(See how sitting on a towel is for everyone's protection.)
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: Bob Knows on May 17, 2019, 07:12:17 PM
First nudist: "Have you read Marx?"
Second nudist: "Yes, it's these wicker chairs that do it."

(See how sitting on a towel is for everyone's protection.)

I've read some Marx and other silly political philosophy. 
I sit on wicker chairs.  I don't sit on towels.

I don't get the joke. 
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: John P on May 18, 2019, 04:10:14 AM
It has nothing to do with actual political philosophy. And it's British.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: yeldew on May 18, 2019, 09:52:33 AM
And your answer made me laugh even more than the original joke ;D ;D
Norman.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: HillwalkerDundee on May 18, 2019, 09:59:06 AM
Lol. I now don't know if the answers are banter or not hehehe.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on May 18, 2019, 11:10:31 AM
I like the joke about Groucho Marx and John Lennon better. I visited Marx's (Karl, that is) house a few years ago. Didn't go inside, though.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: Bob Knows on May 18, 2019, 02:40:54 PM
OK.  I'm more awake today.   We're talking *red marks* on one's back side.   Nice pun. 
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: rrfalcon on May 18, 2019, 03:12:42 PM
And in a similar vein:

Do you like Kipling?

I don't know - I've never kippled.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: John P on May 18, 2019, 08:58:02 PM
Oh Bob. Now you've killed it.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on May 20, 2019, 11:33:22 PM
I like reading Marx:
    Prosecutor: Something must be done. War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes.
    Chicolini: Hey, I've got an uncle that lives in Taxes.
    Prosecutor: No, I'm talking about taxes. Money. Dollars.
    Chicolini: Dollas! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dollas, Taxes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgRbxHttZSM

Jbee
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: Bob Knows on May 21, 2019, 06:02:21 PM
I like reading Marx:
    Prosecutor: Something must be done. War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes.
    Chicolini: Hey, I've got an uncle that lives in Taxes.
    Prosecutor: No, I'm talking about taxes. Money. Dollars.
    Chicolini: Dollas! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dollas, Taxes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgRbxHttZSM
Jbee

LOL.

Speaking of dollars and taxes, it is reported (Washington Times, and others) that the US Government took in a tax surplus of $218 Billion in April, over expenses just under $300 Billion. Total revenue collected over $500 Billion.  That big tax cut we got two years ago is working so well to increase industry and income we need another tax cut.   

I heard it was snowing near Flagstaff enough to cause trouble on I-40.  Global warming is such a problem. 
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on May 22, 2019, 04:34:52 AM
Dang, I sincerely wish that were true. Imagine what would have happened if we all got a real tax dump like the ultra wealthy rulers got. All of that money that the less fortunate could have gotten, circulating and boosting small businesses and making real jobs. The stats are convoluted. The money wasn't used by those beneficiarys to help the economy, it just gave wealth more wealth and we got a few crumbs. I'm wondering if the improved economy is in spite of the tax cuts.

I can't see how this is about nudity, other than the naked truth, or exposing the lies;D

Yes, our friends drove smack dab into that California mountain stuff on their way to a bed and breakfast in your neck of the woods.

We we're heading up to Cottonwood to the Sycamore Canyon and had to change plans and stay local, which was wonderful. Only had to drive a few miles and spend ten bucks on a shuttle, backpack into a minor paradise and veg-out... naked...shuttle wasn't clothing optional.

Nothing normal about the Arizona weather anymore. I've just been making contingency plans, every time I plan a trip. We spent a freaking cold four days at the hot springs a couple of months ago. We just couldn't escape it without flying to southern Mexico. Yup, the climate has definitely changed dramatically this past 30 years. The jet stream just keeps pushing deeper and deeper into lower latitudes, making colder and colder weather fronts in the winter as the poles melt away. Arizona of all places has been getting something called the Siberian Express! ;D...or maybe  :-\
Jbee
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on May 22, 2019, 12:19:36 PM
As long as there is enough rain, I don't think it matters how warm it gets, although enough rain has long been a problem in the West.

It should be a fact, and I think it is, that the amount of water we have on earth stays the same, more or less. After all, it's a closed system, although it's a very large system. It's a question of distribution (just as it has always been for wealth). Anyhow, I think we've gotten more than our fair share where I live in the last eighteen months. It could also be said that everyone gets the same amount of sun but some places have more clouds than others.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: John P on May 22, 2019, 04:06:37 PM
Hey you lot, this is MY THREAD. Start your own thread for trivial stuff and so Bob can have his rants. Come on, OUT! Shoo!
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on May 22, 2019, 04:39:41 PM
Just pretend I'm not here. Consider me only virtually present. Nobody reads what I write anyhow.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: Davie on May 22, 2019, 05:53:28 PM
I was out walking today and when I got to a main road I covered up to find a Police Officer just up the road trying to slow the traffic as there was an accident further up the road.  As I went by her she asked if I'd seen her from a distance. I said I could and she commented the traffic wasn't slowing down much for her. I told her she was wearing an invisible coat. (She had a hi vis jacket on) She laughed and wished me a good walk and concluded by saying "Stay safe." I think the traffic was pretending she wasn't there - fools, she was trying to keep the road safe. A short but pleasant encounter
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: Bob Knows on May 22, 2019, 06:34:13 PM
As long as there is enough rain, I don't think it matters how warm it gets, although enough rain has long been a problem in the West.

There was an interesting book about "global warming" published about 25  years ago by a UCLA climate scientist.  One of his theories was that an increase in ocean temperature would evaporate more water and cause rain in most of the world deserts.   He opined that the SW of the US, the whole Middle East, Mediterranean basin, and most of north Africa would return to the fertile areas they were during Roman Empire or earlier times of warmer climate.  None of the fear factor advocates appreciated his book.  I don't remember what his name was any more. 

Bob
 



Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on May 22, 2019, 06:49:32 PM
His logic was only partly correct. If warmer oceans caused more rain, it does not follow that it would fall in the desert or anywhere we'd want it to.

There was also the population bomb, the litter problem and the coin shortage, not to mention the difficulty of gaining entrance to Studio 54.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on May 22, 2019, 09:20:50 PM
I remember that. He was one of the last hold outs that the energy industry used as climate denier info. He demanded higher standards of proof, but a few years ago, he got enough proof and bit the tail of the dog that was feeding him, along with some other UCLA colleagues.

I do think that that is interesting. Europe in ice age, Tucson in grasslands enough for mammoths, saguaros fleeing south (and naked Jbee, too), places under water. The Med still gets wet winters, doesn't it? There are lots of green places on the coasts.

I remember living in Falls Church when my dad got paraciditus (sic.) and we had to move to sunny dry New Mexico. If you live around D.C. and say that it is raining more and too much, that's a lot of rain.

We got too much rain and too many grey days this year. So, "be careful what you pray for, you might get it." And also, "Don't mess with Mother NAture." What was it that they were selling, anyway? Margarine?

Whimsy isn't a big joke?
Jbee

Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on May 22, 2019, 11:11:25 PM
I live in the D.C. area and we have had more rain than usual, although it doesn't make much real difference, seeing as how this isn't farming country. My wife's family and her father's family, too (they were even born in the same hospital). Her father's brother had bad asthma and as people used to do, he moved to Arizona. He contracted polio and died within a week (not a week after he got there, a week after he contracted the disease). 
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: ric on May 23, 2019, 10:56:40 AM
when we first had our poly tunnels we were on an unmetered mains water supply,  thermometer goes of the top of the scale , over 50 deg c,   wed just turn the sprinklers on for half an hour once a week or maybe twice in mid summer,  plants seemed to cope.

now were still on mains water but thinking more about the crap they put in it, chlorine and aluminium compounds,  weve gone back to using our wel lwater for drinking and cooking, and watering the tunnels.   we pump the well water to 40gal open topped barrels by the tunnels then slosh it about with watering cans,about 20 cans every 2 days in a 14 by 30 foot tunnel. 

were picking lettuce and strawberries at the moment, got the first wee green tomatoes set and the dwarf french beans are about to flower.

weve been thinking about aluminium and its relation to the brain , dementia ,Alzheimers etc..... been mainly on the well water for getting on for a year but not used mains water at all for consumption since easter this year.  my brain is definitely working better, thinking clearer, memory better and my migraines have definitely decreased in severity and frequency.

were lucky to be on a hill top, so assuming the water we get out the well... 20 foot deep has fallen on the couple of pasure fields on top of the hill we shouldnt be getting a local pesticide burden in the water,  any thats come uphill from arable land will have had half a mile of soil to filter itself.

theres also the wifi to consider,  here our confusers are hard wired, our wifi is turned off, neighbours are far enough away so we dont pick theirs up. (our flat in the village we can see 7 or 8).   mobile phone is only 4g, nearest mast is a mile away, but we have got military radar at hms heron about 5 miles away, (fleet air arm headquaters)
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on May 23, 2019, 09:00:29 PM
We are infamous about our topic drift. Ric, you have proven that. I'm impressed, very impressed.  :o

I have a hill between me and town. My cell phone reception is crappy. I'm protected, but without wifi, I have no internet or phone. I don't notice any difference in my brain function, except what and when I eat and stress bouts. That's blood sugar mostly and stress is minimal, only in spurts. The water you have is enviable. I buy drinking water that is purified about 5 ways, The water is well and within the government and U of A tests. Most water around here contains too much limb and leaves white caps on the soil. The city stuff is treated with chlorine.  ;)
Come to think about it, my brain function can be...hmmmm???? Ah what do they know? ;D
Heard any good ones lately?
Jbee
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on May 23, 2019, 10:20:20 PM
While you're at it, eat only brown eggs and use only whole, unpasteurized milk on your homemade granola. Avoid coffee, tea, soda and alcohol, unless it's kosher. In fact, you might as well keep to a kosher/halal diet as far as possible. Thoreau, you know, kept to such a diet, more or less and even grew much of his food when possible. However, it occurs to me that I am not almost thirty years older than Thoreau was when he died and never followed any of those rules. So, well, I guess you might as well disregard this reply.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: ric on May 24, 2019, 09:53:57 AM
its virtually impossible to buy white eggs in uk shops, were told that the uk public only want brown ones.   the white ones all go for industrial scale baking
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: Peter S on May 24, 2019, 02:17:22 PM
I seem to recall some years ago that “research” showed there was no difference in nutrition, etc, between brown and white eggs. We still seem to prefer brown ones, though, as Ric says. Any egg experts here? Does the shell colour depend on the hen’s diet or something like that? I know the free-range farm eggs we buy have a much darker orange yolk than the supermarket battery eggs, though the shells vary widely in colour.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on May 24, 2019, 03:56:25 PM
Okay, folks, time for more humor:

I just joined
The young man said
A nudist camp
Is my face red?
No!  I use
Burma-Shave

I'm old enough,
The old man mumbled
To recall the signs
Which means
My days are numbered.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on May 24, 2019, 04:32:09 PM
 ;D ;D ;D
Dennis Craig Smith has a nudist's poetry book out. It is humorous stuff. Some very funny. I'd share some, but my copy is packed away in storage until I get into the next home.
Jbee
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on May 25, 2019, 12:26:39 AM
Okay, this is a weather, global warming/climate change and a really big joke thread. I don't know if I have this posted here. Some of it was on the SNS site.. It has been unusually cool. Winter showed up about 6 weeks late, it stayed a couple of months too long. Spring of course was late and we are still having spring. June is supposed to be ghastly hot, windy until the monsoon arrives. No telling what will happen. This goes with the summer heat, that isn't here yet, but will come eventually.... I couldn't find any other nude jokes on my computer. So for John P.'s sake he's a really big joke. It's about time that we give him his thread back:

Ya know you're in Arizona when...

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.
You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
You can make sun tea instantly
Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sunscreen is sold year round and kept right at the checkout counter.
You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.
You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning.
You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.
You see two trees fighting over a dog.
You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves
You hear people say "but it's a dry heat!"
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
Kids ask, "What's a mosquito?"
People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.
You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arizona.
You take rain dances seriously.
When a rainy day puts you in a good mood.
When you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place - even in the dead of winter.
You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don't have to shovel it off your driveway. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
People break out coats when temperature drops below 70 degrees.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
Announcements for Fourth of July events never end with "in case of rain......"
Everyone's smiling and talking about the great weather on rainy days.
Welcome to Arizona, where summer spends the winter - and hell spends the summer.  ~Popular saying, modified from a booster slogan in the 1930s
Once, it was so damned dry, the bushes followed the dogs around
In Arizona, shade trees are your best friends.  (And occasionally the basis of small civil wars over parking.
It's so hot even my fake plants are wilting.
You know you live in Phoenix when the four seasons are:  tolerable, hot, really hot, and are you freakin' kidding me?
"Heat, ma’am!" I said; "it was so dreadful here, that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones."
You eat hot chilis to cool your mouth off.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You sit with your mouth open when you realize that most of these jokes are truths.
Jbee
 

 
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: rrfalcon on May 25, 2019, 05:36:54 PM
I flew into Phoenix a couple of decades back for a company training class, and on landing the pilot got onto the intercom with the usual announcements:

"Welcome to Phoenix.  You'll be glad to know that a cold front came through last night, so it will only get up to 105 degrees today."
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: rrfalcon on May 25, 2019, 05:39:18 PM
When it comes to funny jokes, I seem to recall that this one actually won a prize:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: nuduke on May 28, 2019, 09:39:15 PM
I've been away a few days...what is this thread about exactly? :D
A concerned citizen reported a hole in the fence at the local nudist colony.  Police are looking in to it.
Just heard there's a nudists convention next week.  I might go if I've got nothing on.
John
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on May 29, 2019, 07:06:58 AM
Dunno. Ask John P. He started the thread.
Jbee ;D
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: John P on May 29, 2019, 05:20:47 PM
Oh now don't be coming to me for any explanations. I passed along a joke which I got a laugh out of, and people went off into all kinds of irrelevant directions, and they wouldn't listen when I tried to stop them, so none of this is my responsibility any more.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: Safebare on May 30, 2019, 01:05:25 AM
If you happen to be sitting naked by the fire and realize that the more you light your lighter, the lighter your lighter becomes, until it gets so light that the lighter will no longer light.  . .

~Safebare
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: nuduke on June 02, 2019, 07:02:53 PM
Oh now don't be coming to me for any explanations. I passed along a joke which I got a laugh out of, and people went off into all kinds of irrelevant directions, and they wouldn't listen when I tried to stop them, so none of this is my responsibility any more.

And if you launched the atom bomb would you deny all responsibility for the collateral damage?  :D
Actually over the years I have come to appreciate all the digressions and doglegs that most of our topics contain.  Often times the digression is better than the original topic :D :D
As my wife sometimes remarks when inserting a complete sidestep into a chat and I go "What!??" she says: "Keep up - It's a conversation not a monologue, appreciate the twists and turns of thought!"...and I do...eventually! Good training for keeping up with the forum  :)
John
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on June 02, 2019, 09:33:24 PM
Some expect the comments to be on the level of a college paper.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: ric on June 04, 2019, 11:04:15 AM
if the post is longer than the laptop screen i tend to skip to the next one... unless its got some pics :)
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: BlueTrain on June 04, 2019, 11:10:44 AM
Well, just don't put more effort into reading it than was put into writing it.
Title: Re: Incredibly funny joke
Post by: jbeegoode on June 04, 2019, 05:19:16 PM
I tend read a long post, if someone goes to the trouble and it is important enough for them to write.

This tends to expose me to run on stuff, but if it is quagmire, I will begin to skip through.

I'm one of the most lengthy writers on the board. I try hard to keep it precise, but then I like to be thorough.

I am in the mood, or have some time, makes the difference to how much I kick back and read. If I'm hurried, or tired, I'm less apt to take as much time in consideration of someones point.
Jbee