Author Topic: Hugs  (Read 66 times)

Safebare

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Hugs
« on: February 13, 2018, 01:34:03 AM »
An article in today's paper reminded me of a topic I wanted to bring to this group https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/is-the-era-of-hugging-over-some-people-sure-hope-so/2018/02/09/f5a12d16-0770-11e8-8777-2a059f168dd2_story.html?utm_term=.5f53b7a4a9c3
The article discusses the impact of the #metoo movement has on the part hugging plays in our culture. 
I am proud that I come from a family of huggers.  I grew up with the notion that hugs were not only appropriate among family and close friends, they were expected.  Now, there were the odd aunts and uncles that you only reluctantly engaged in a hug even though you often couldn't finger exactly why.  And that was why there have always been a variety of differing versions of the basic hug: Full-on, A-frame, side, back, etc. 
The other distinct variable is duration.  There are certain members of my family that have this hugging thing down pat.  There is an air of regret when the hug is finally broken.
But what about strangers and other social situations, work, acquaintances, parties, gatherings, events, etc.  This brings me to this group.  Some of the best hugs from friends I haven't yet, or only recently met, were at gatherings such as The Rainbow Gathering and certain Pagan events. 
Since I don't frequent landed nudist places, I cannot speak to the hugs there, but friends I have made at clothing optional or nude friendly events have been, to my unscientific eye, excellent huggers.
The Arts event on the 5th Tuesday of January was just an event.  The hostess of the event was at the registration table decked out in stockings and a fancy blazer (it was chilly), but nothing else.  Once we finished the business process of our attendance, our conversation grew more open, compelling her to step around the table for a full-on hug.  Nothing could have said 'WELCOME' any better than that!
So, I ask you, what is your position on hugs?  I think I can figure out JBee and Karla, but would like to hear from each of you. 
I do not intend any criticism of the #metoo movement.  I have personally been on the receiving side of unwanted physical attention and found it difficult to deal with as a fully capable male.  It is about time we unveiled the predatory actions and other overt sexual harassment holding those violators accountable.  But, losing hugs is a high price for which i doubt there will be any benefit.  It would be like removing sex because of the numerous sexual predators out there.  We cannot let the actions of others interfere with our due rights to enjoy life.  Could life be worth living if hugs were forbidden?

Blessed (and Naked) Be,
Safebare

Bob Knows

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2018, 04:48:06 PM »
I've never been quite sure about hugs.  I like hugs with women.  I don't particularly like hugs with men.  An old fashion hand shake with a man is plenty.  Yes there are sexual feelings between normal men and women.  I find that enjoyable.  Anyone who complains can go bark up another tree. 
Human bodies are natural, comfortable, and green.

Safebare

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2018, 06:54:58 PM »
Let's see if I got this right. And please, no offense intended. Hugs are preferred for women, but men get a hand shake, because sexual feelings are normal. Are hugs sexual? I guess the intimacy infers sexuality, but that's an old argument against nudity.
Not sure I can get on board with that.

pjcomp

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2018, 07:03:15 PM »
Whatever our present feelings/opinions we are all the products of our upbringing and environments that have got us to where we are. We may have overcome or altered a lot of those things, but others are embedded and leave us feeling comfortable/uncomfortable without any good or easily adjustable reason.
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nudewalker

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2018, 04:37:11 PM »
Our family, and out circle of friends, are all huggers.  It has seemed normal to me as that is the environment I was raised in, so was my wife and most of our friends. I guess it's an Eastern European thing. And that goes for both men and women.
"Always do what you are afraid to do"-Emerson

JOhnGw

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2018, 05:35:33 PM »
I find there is a great variety of hugging or non-hugging behaviour amongst the people I meet and associate with and I tend to go along with whatever is comfortable for them.
JOhn

Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
George Bernard Shaw, Maxims for Revolutionaries

jbeegoode

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2018, 11:37:40 PM »
I find there is a great variety of hugging or non-hugging behaviour amongst the people I meet and associate with and I tend to go along with whatever is comfortable for them.
I do too, if I can ascertain where they are at. I've had women hug well and then...suddenly, the bolt away. I often do a hug more cheek rub than body embrace, if I don't know someone female well enough. You can express quite a lot with two cheekstogether and stay away from their sexual reactions. The men, I don't do the cheek thing with.
Jbee
« Last Edit: February 16, 2018, 12:24:16 AM by jbeegoode »
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jbeegoode

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2018, 12:22:19 AM »
The nude on nude hugs are tricky. The men are more stand sideways, or off center to keep genitals from bumping into one another. It helps if one party is clothed or partially covered.

At the sweat, I'd rather not be hugged sometimes when a slime, oil detoxing person comes from the sweat and wants to rub it on me before they shower, or scrape it off.

Some people, we know each other well enough, full on long and loving whether clothed or nude. Others, not so much. Clothed hugging is the same.

It gets to be something like Japanese bowing. You learn the subtleties and correct as needed. Women who don't hug, I don't trust. They can even react negatively, they can jump to assumptions easily and act on them. This is tell tale about them generally. They are not healthy people, nor can I trust them. I can easily discard these people and stay weary of them.

Guys who don't hug, are often homophobic, or just not used to this new thing of hugging a guy. I understand them, I've been there before. Rare, but some women are like that.

Having grown up in the military and staunch Kansan Victorian stiffness, not able to express, or even be my true self, my emotions, I worked through to liberation. I fought hard to learn to trust and hug, by doing what I was raised to be incorrect, or even crude behavior, as revolution, as mom an dad certainly wouldn't. I enjoy my liberation. When that becomes threatened by a sick individual who is either still back there or has been damaged by some jerk, I resent and feel threatened by them. When they start to make social rules instead of keeping their own problems to themselves, I'll react even verbally and clearly, "Don't make me sick like you."

As the article states, hugs are health and good for a system, natural. It is kind of like being naked around others. You must learn to trust people, when to trust people, know that you may get hurt, but the risk is worth it and it is how you learn to not repeat the mistake. Hugs and other intimacies are a part of the complex human interaction, not to be dumbed down denigrated, or diminished with a black and white social rule of thumb.

To all the sickos, go f** yourself, it is your choice to do such. Just don't impose your shortcomings upon the rest of us. Kind of like being naked isn't it?

The girl scouts are full of SH*T! Sometimes you have to take a kid and drop her into the pool, to get her to trust water. It is harmless. Children don't always know what is best for them, that they are learning bad habits. Going off into a corner alone isn't a choice in independence for a child. You have to coerce them out. Anyone can hug and learn that your body is still yours. If a kids is reluctant to hug, then someone needs to tell them how they feel about that, which maybe hurt, left out, no trust in the relationship, rejection, or a host of other consequences. Then they kid learns to give empathy, give of themselves, love and caring for another. Boundaries and defense should not be taught as so cut and dry. It is teaching them to be unhealthy less outgoing human beings.

The Boy Scouts are a problem for body acceptance, nudity issues. I've had personal dealings with this. For all the good, there are some lousy unwritten rules in the staff, enough to keep a kid away from them, or monitor closely what they are teaching my kid.

AND  ;D, handshakes pass viruses, sweaty palms. I often wash my hands after a handshake. With hugs, I don't have that concern.

Maybe, nothing says friendship better than I hug.
Jbee
« Last Edit: February 16, 2018, 12:26:54 AM by jbeegoode »
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Safebare

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Re: Hugs
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2018, 03:11:29 PM »
Incredibly well spoken JBee.
Except for the negative points about scouting. I was much of a boy scout, didn't agree with the structure and 'brain washing', but did learn a lot about acceptance and being comfortable in my own skin from scouting and boys camp.
Hugging certainly is the best expression of friendship.

Hugs,
Safebare