Author Topic: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.  (Read 33201 times)

nudewalker

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #105 on: August 15, 2017, 05:07:13 PM »
Without getting into details there are valid reasons the wife does not join me in mt activities. Any push back on her part is the fact that I may be caught and arrested for my free range activities. But on the positive side, she does accept my desire to explore all things nude, and does know what a great mood elevator it is for me. As much as I would like to camp like Jbee and DF there are limitations as to which the wife can handle heat so an electrical hookup for A/C is a must. So I carefully study Google maps and plan for free range adventures at those places we visit. Some of our standby favorites I already know where and how to enjoy nudity. Anyway guys, keep moving toward your goal and post results as I'm sure there are others who have hope for change with their spouses.
"Always do what you are afraid to do"-Emerson

eyesup

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #106 on: August 15, 2017, 05:28:29 PM »
Ian, you may not have been active here, but you certainly were active at home. Good news to hear and great news for us that there is hope to get our mates to join us.

The sauna looks great and is a good example of how all you need is an excuse to do something that can be done naked and you can make progress.

Duane

jbeegoode

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #107 on: August 15, 2017, 10:17:41 PM »
Yep, yep, yep!!! Who...rah!

So, Ian, are those slats stuck in place, or removable for cleaning. We, of course, have sand, etc. and have to hose and sweep. I'm looking for the best way to attache seats, with the greatest diversity of use. Wide seat for yoga, lounging. Wide and tall enough configuration for massage. Accommodations for varying numbers of people.

What's the square footage, and what kind of a heater is that? I see the electric cord. Are those some kind of rocks? Glass doors! Does the heat escape and make distribution vary from the glass? Are you using brushes or twigs?

I like an outdoor shower of about ground temperature to rinse and cool in. It seals the pores and exercises the skin's natural functions.

If you massage the shoulders, a loving touch with therapy, she will relax in comfort and follow you, eventually, to the outside for more. As long as she feels comfortable out there. You might get yours done in an exchange, after which, you will follow her anywhere, even outside for more. Sauna is where the heart is.

I love your observation of just talking. We sing, too. The Swedes have family meetings and connect with each other, I'm told. That's how our community sweat has become an extended family affair. People meet with each other relaxed, positive and open. Their nakedness encourages baring the good soul. If anyone gets tense, we turn up the heat and they get back to the moment, which is very very rare.

Yep, yep, yep. Good, good, good!
jbee
Barefoot all over, all over.

nuduke

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #108 on: August 16, 2017, 12:27:52 AM »
Great Post, Ian (note the capital P), thank you.
I observe that the shed and sauna seem to be executed with your customary wide expertise, attention to detail and brave assumption of a chunky task.
The interior looks lovely and very authentic.  Big shed!


Whilst obviously I am no expert on encouragement of spousal participation (understatement), I nevertheless feel that Carole probably won't need encouragement to come out naked for cooling off over time.  She'll just eventually drop the petty pretense of propriety with a shred of towel around her.  I guess if you are in any way overlooked, that might be her concern and she might therefore be resistant to being naked outside the cabin.  However, if she does cool off in the garden, maybe one day she'll just walk back into the house and not bother to dress! 


Given that the Scandinavians jump in a freezing lake or roll in the snow, do you just stand in the garden or have you got some sort of aquatic means of cooling off?  Get digging!  You'll need a swimming pool now! :D


The togetherness aspect you mentioned was one that stood out for me.  My wife and I often are doing stuff apart but both in the house ...but we frequently chat over meals, in bed, after seeing a TV programme etc.  But the sort of 'enforced' togetherness of the sauna seems appealing as a way of promoting communication and the old 'quality time' between partners.


For my own part (irrespective of my gag about invitations) I can't take Saunas for more than a very few minutes.  I get really overcome.  Steam rooms ok but saunas I can't manage.  So... "Sauna you than me!"


What will you do with the rest of the space in the shed?  The sauna at a guess is only 30% of the space.


John

milfmog

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #109 on: August 16, 2017, 11:35:59 PM »
John,

Consider yourself invited; I chose to use a "Stauna" controller, so we have a steam generator as well as the dry heater and can set the cabin to run at 80%RH and 40C, 100C with no added steam or a couple of other settings in between. I always like to keep my options open :D

Have fun,


Ian.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

nuduke

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #110 on: August 17, 2017, 01:31:36 AM »
Quote
John,

Consider yourself invited; I chose to use a "Stauna" controller, so we have a steam generator as well as the dry heater and can set the cabin to run at 80%RH and 40C, 100C with no added steam or a couple of other settings in between. I always like to keep my options open :D

Have fun,


Ian.


How tempting!


John

milfmog

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #111 on: August 17, 2017, 09:49:28 AM »
Quote
John,

Consider yourself invited; I chose to use a "Stauna" controller, so we have a steam generator as well as the dry heater and can set the cabin to run at 80%RH and 40C, 100C with no added steam or a couple of other settings in between. I always like to keep my options open :D

Have fun,


Ian.


How tempting!


John
You know (roughly) where I am. If you are going to be in the area with time on your hands, give me a call or drop me an email.

Have fun,


Ian.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

milfmog

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #112 on: August 18, 2017, 01:20:00 PM »
Hi JB,

Sorry, I read your post and meant to answer your queries but then got distracted. Oh well, I remembered eventually, so here goes:.

Quote from: ”JB”
are those slats stuck in place, or removable for cleaning. We, of course, have sand, etc. and have to hose and sweep. I'm looking for the best way to attache seats, with the greatest diversity of use. Wide seat for yoga, lounging. Wide and tall enough configuration for massage.

The horizontal slats are fixed to one another as seat panels and are screwed to the structure. They sit on rails on the walls and have supporting leg frames s the screws to the walls are more about me making the whole structure as stiff and secure as I can. It would have been perfectly OK to leave the benches loos for easy removal and I am sure a clip arrangement could be devised fairly simply to allow the legs to be removed easily.

The vertical (“infill” panels are assembled as a panel and held in place with two screws each into the bench support legs. I am going to find a simple clip system to allow for their easy removal to allow me to mop under the benches without having to find a screw driver. The problem here is not sand or dust but sweat on a vinyl floor designed to keep the moisture away from the wooden sub-floor. A difference in what needs to be cleaned up but the same issue of facilitating easy regular cleaning.

The seat configuration I have allows for three people to lie down at one time, one at high level and two lower down. It would accommodate six or seven seated people without being uncomfortably tight or requiring anyone to sit on the heater  :o.

Quote
What's the square footage, and what kind of a heater is that? I see the electric cord. Are those some kind of rocks? Glass doors! Does the heat escape and make distribution vary from the glass? Are you using brushes or twigs?

The cabin is nominally 2170mm wide x 1660mm deep and 1950mm high (85.4” x 65.4” x 76.8”) those are external dimensions, as the wall panels are 40mm thick the internal space is 80mm less in each direction. So the internal area is approximately 36 square feet and the volume approximately 220 cubic feet.

The heater is 6Kw electric heater with three elements. Typically it uses one element to sustain the temperature with a top up from the other two elements when required. The rocks act as a heat storage mechanism and allow perfumed water splashed onto the heater to boil off quickly, releasing the chosen aroma into the atmosphere. I have four fragrances at present, eucalyptus, rosemary & thyme, orange and lavender and am still experimenting with the best way to use them to “flavour” the air. Mixing them with water to splash on the rocks is effective for a short time, adding them to the water in the steam generator when we use it should be effective and more sustained, but seems to cause too much frothing in the steamer and being splashed with boiling water tends to destroy the moment. I am planning on trying a soapstone jar that can be placed in the stones on the heater and filled with an aroma solution that boils away over time. I just need to find the right sized jar, as the one I have found is too large to sit between the heater elements.

The duty cycle on the heater is such that I would guess that the system runs at around 2Kw averaged over an hour, so a three hour run (an hour to heat up and 2 hours use) costs me about 35p (roughly 45 cents). I don’t worry much about the running costs :D. In winter, when it is colder outside resulting in more heat loss, I would expect it to run closer to 4KWH per hour, roughly double the cost I have seen at present and more consistent with the manufacturers estimate.

The glass door is pretty standard in most Finnish saunas. The reason is that people outside can see if anyone inside faints and needs assistance (the same considerations mean that sauna doors should always open outwards). I can’t say I have noticed any drop in temperature around the door.

I have to confess that I have not experimented with twigs / brushes or any other form of self-flagellation and do not find the idea very appealing. Perhaps I should try it before I write the concept off.

Quote
I like an outdoor shower of about ground temperature to rinse and cool in. It seals the pores and exercises the skin's natural functions.

I have considered an outside shower, possibly solar heated. However, it is about 10 feet to the back door of the house and just inside is the downstairs bathroom and shower, so there is no real need to do anything else. An outside shower would also require a drain to be sensible in our moist climate and it adds up to rather a lot of work for little return. We also have to consider the risk of freeze up during the winter; frost can do nasty things to plumbing if it is allowed to. On balance, using the shower in the house seems the best option for us.

Quote
If you massage the shoulders, a loving touch with therapy, she will relax in comfort and follow you, eventually, to the outside for more. As long as she feels comfortable out there.

John asked what else we were doing with the shed. The mid section, inside the glazed area, is laid out with a couple of soft upholstered reclining garden chairs and foot stools. There is a low table between the chairs with drinking water and glasses (both for drinking from and mine for seeing through). The end remote from the sauna has an overflow deepfreeze and a fridge. (The fridge is slightly unusual as it is fitted with a heater and a microprocessor based temperature control which allows me to regulate the temperature to +/-0.5C anywhere between about 1C and 35C. I use it to control the temperature at which my beer brews  8)).

The plan was to allow us to chill out inside the summerhouse when we get too hot without going out into the garden, which could be rather unpleasant in winter drizzle, fog and wind. The reclining chairs go flat and, when used with the foot stools, make effective, if low, massage beds. Given that the cushions were designed for garden use, they are easy to wash and largely unharmed by getting wet. So, massage has already been discovered as a bonding tool, but usually happens just outside the sauna. The downside is that, because the summerhouse is so comfortable, there is less incentive to go into the garden. If it is warm and dry next time we sauna, I may just move the chairs and stools out onto the patio before we start. I guess I will have to play that by ear, it may be better to get Carole totally comfortable inside the summerhouse before pushing too hard to get her outside.

Quote
I love your observation of just talking. We sing, too.

Talking works. Had you heard either of us sing, you would understand why I tend to use recorded music instead of making my own. I do have some respect for the neighbour's sensibilities…

Have fun,


Ian.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

nuduke

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #113 on: August 27, 2017, 10:06:13 PM »

Quote
John asked what else we were doing with the shed. The mid section, inside the glazed area, is laid out with a couple of soft upholstered reclining garden chairs and foot stools. There is a low table between the chairs with drinking water and glasses (both for drinking from and mine for seeing through). The end remote from the sauna has an overflow deepfreeze and a fridge.
It's a veritable palace of relaxation!


John

milfmog

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #114 on: August 28, 2017, 08:08:52 AM »

It's a veritable palace of relaxation!


John
That was the idea!

Have fun,


Ian.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

nuduke

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #115 on: February 19, 2019, 10:51:20 PM »

Gosh! 18 months since the last post here...and as JOhnGW remarked at the inception of this post, it was a topic that we all contributed many, many, many posts to in TSNS (and there are 8 pages here!).  What was the title of that thread? "Spouse Incremental Progress" or something like?  It was the second most used after 'How was your Month for...'  Anybody from 'The old school' remember? 


I have reawakened this thread to report a bit of good news to those that have followed the many years of the soap opera of my life with a spouse who really does not take to naturism.

The wife and I have booked a holiday near Dubrovnik, Croatia for a few months hence.  As my hand hovered over the credit card confirmation button, I said to my wife "You know that Croatia is one of the most nudist-friendly countries and has lots of naturist beaches and there is one 7 mins drive from our hotel and another one not much further way.  I'm expecting to visit one or both while we are there. It's a condition!"  And she agreed!  She then remarked that I probably agreed to Croatia (there has been a healthy debate over the previous few days as to where to go) just because there were naturist beaches.  "No," I replied truthfully, "not at all - it's a nice looking holiday with or without naturism.  But since there is the opportunity for naturism nearby, it adds to the holiday and I won't be cheated out of a visit or two, since it's there". 
"Ok," she responded again "It would be churlish not to let you have your bit of naturism...but I probably won't enjoy it."
"Well, we're going - so brace yourself!  You're not going to bump into anyone you know and you can keep your cossie on" And we left it at that.
However, she had clearly agreed, so hurrah, I get to do a naturist beach in a warm climate.  Fantastic. Report in a few months!  She is probably plotting to prevent me going even as I type this!! :D
John

jbeegoode

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #116 on: February 20, 2019, 01:43:41 AM »
Whilst on the beach, pull her to her feet and ask her to dance. When you know that she is feeling positive, liquor her up. Check out the beaches first from any source that you can muster to be sure that she has a positive expereic nce and no negatives (which she may be looking for).

You know it is an important big step and an opportunity that should certainly be made use of.
Jbee
Barefoot all over, all over.

nuduke

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #117 on: February 20, 2019, 06:55:15 PM »

Good call Jbee - prior research and possibly recce.  Will store that up for the trip.
John

jbeegoode

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #118 on: February 20, 2019, 08:06:24 PM »
What will you do to get some base tan to survive a beach prior to actually being on one in the sun? Will you be in the backyard tanning in preparation? Would that tick he off? Would that tan come from hanging out in the woods naked and get to her suspicions?

She's okay with a couple of short larks to a beach, but will she be okay with the prep?
Jbee
Barefoot all over, all over.

nuduke

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Re: Problems and progress with reluctant and difficult partners.
« Reply #119 on: February 27, 2019, 09:48:24 PM »

Well, we get sun nearly all day in our garden/backyard on good days - not enough for a proper tan but helpful for acclimatisation (I don't really tan, never had enough continuous exposure) and yes she get's hacked off when I'm sunning naked and I have to cover the parts if we are sunbathing together.  I don't actually lie about much - I move around, do bits of gardening, read, do yoga etc.  Today, February remember, winter in UK  it was 20 deg C 68F in our garden and sunny and when I returned from the mornings activity, I went for a bit of nude SB even though wifey was around.  "Oh do cover up" she remarked predictably " Allay your predictable onslaught, woman!" I volleyed.  "Give me a few minutes peace at least, in the first sunbathe of the year for pity's sake."  "Um well...ok" She conceded "But don't be too long".  Good.  Other conversation today was positive too.  We talked about renewing a rotten old bench on the patio and I remarked that it was a good place to sit at breakfast time and also that it got sun all day and that I wasn't visible naked from the kitchen if she was sitting in there (most of the rest of the garden is visible from the kitchen). "Oh yes, she said, that'll be better."  I can't wait to get to the garden furniture store!  Then later, as we were making a cup of tea she said quite spontaneously: "I don't really mind coming to the nudist beach with you when we're on holiday."  "Thank you, darling" I responded, warmly "It means a lot to me just to go and do that for a visit or two".  She: "But I bet I won't like it, though" 
Anyway, back to sunbathing - I'm afraid Jbee that there's nothing much we can do other than that to prepare with what sun and sunbathing opportunities we get and slap plenty of sun-sludge on when we're there and take a beach umbrella...and don't stay out in the sun too long and/or cover up it one starts to burn.  The temperatures we will encounter are only about 18-21 deg C although 12 hours a day sunshine on average
John