Incredibly funny joke

[Davie]

I was out walking today and when I got to a main road I covered up to find a Police Officer just up the road trying to slow the traffic as there was an accident further up the road.  As I went by her she asked if I'd seen her from a distance. I said I could and she commented the traffic wasn't slowing down much for her. I told her she was wearing an invisible coat. (She had a hi vis jacket on) She laughed and wished me a good walk and concluded by saying "Stay safe." I think the traffic was pretending she wasn't there - fools, she was trying to keep the road safe. A short but pleasant encounter

[Greenbare Woods]

As long as there is enough rain, I don't think it matters how warm it gets, although enough rain has long been a problem in the West.

There was an interesting book about "global warming" published about 25  years ago by a UCLA climate scientist.  One of his theories was that an increase in ocean temperature would evaporate more water and cause rain in most of the world deserts.   He opined that the SW of the US, the whole Middle East, Mediterranean basin, and most of north Africa would return to the fertile areas they were during Roman Empire or earlier times of warmer climate.  None of the fear factor advocates appreciated his book.  I don't remember what his name was any more. 

Bob
 

[BlueTrain]

His logic was only partly correct. If warmer oceans caused more rain, it does not follow that it would fall in the desert or anywhere we'd want it to.

There was also the population bomb, the litter problem and the coin shortage, not to mention the difficulty of gaining entrance to Studio 54.

[jbeegoode]

I remember that. He was one of the last hold outs that the energy industry used as climate denier info. He demanded higher standards of proof, but a few years ago, he got enough proof and bit the tail of the dog that was feeding him, along with some other UCLA colleagues.

I do think that that is interesting. Europe in ice age, Tucson in grasslands enough for mammoths, saguaros fleeing south (and naked Jbee, too), places under water. The Med still gets wet winters, doesn't it? There are lots of green places on the coasts.

I remember living in Falls Church when my dad got paraciditus (sic.) and we had to move to sunny dry New Mexico. If you live around D.C. and say that it is raining more and too much, that's a lot of rain.

We got too much rain and too many grey days this year. So, "be careful what you pray for, you might get it." And also, "Don't mess with Mother NAture." What was it that they were selling, anyway? Margarine?

Whimsy isn't a big joke?
Jbee

[BlueTrain]

I live in the D.C. area and we have had more rain than usual, although it doesn't make much real difference, seeing as how this isn't farming country. My wife's family and her father's family, too (they were even born in the same hospital). Her father's brother had bad asthma and as people used to do, he moved to Arizona. He contracted polio and died within a week (not a week after he got there, a week after he contracted the disease). 

[ric]

when we first had our poly tunnels we were on an unmetered mains water supply,  thermometer goes of the top of the scale , over 50 deg c,   wed just turn the sprinklers on for half an hour once a week or maybe twice in mid summer,  plants seemed to cope.

now were still on mains water but thinking more about the crap they put in it, chlorine and aluminium compounds,  weve gone back to using our wel lwater for drinking and cooking, and watering the tunnels.   we pump the well water to 40gal open topped barrels by the tunnels then slosh it about with watering cans,about 20 cans every 2 days in a 14 by 30 foot tunnel. 

were picking lettuce and strawberries at the moment, got the first wee green tomatoes set and the dwarf french beans are about to flower.

weve been thinking about aluminium and its relation to the brain , dementia ,Alzheimers etc..... been mainly on the well water for getting on for a year but not used mains water at all for consumption since easter this year.  my brain is definitely working better, thinking clearer, memory better and my migraines have definitely decreased in severity and frequency.

were lucky to be on a hill top, so assuming the water we get out the well... 20 foot deep has fallen on the couple of pasure fields on top of the hill we shouldnt be getting a local pesticide burden in the water,  any thats come uphill from arable land will have had half a mile of soil to filter itself.

theres also the wifi to consider,  here our confusers are hard wired, our wifi is turned off, neighbours are far enough away so we dont pick theirs up. (our flat in the village we can see 7 or .   mobile phone is only 4g, nearest mast is a mile away, but we have got military radar at hms heron about 5 miles away, (fleet air arm headquaters)

[jbeegoode]

We are infamous about our topic drift. Ric, you have proven that. I'm impressed, very impressed. 

I have a hill between me and town. My cell phone reception is crappy. I'm protected, but without wifi, I have no internet or phone. I don't notice any difference in my brain function, except what and when I eat and stress bouts. That's blood sugar mostly and stress is minimal, only in spurts. The water you have is enviable. I buy drinking water that is purified about 5 ways, The water is well and within the government and U of A tests. Most water around here contains too much limb and leaves white caps on the soil. The city stuff is treated with chlorine. 
Come to think about it, my brain function can be...hmmmm? Ah what do they know?
Heard any good ones lately?
Jbee

[BlueTrain]

While you're at it, eat only brown eggs and use only whole, unpasteurized milk on your homemade granola. Avoid coffee, tea, soda and alcohol, unless it's kosher. In fact, you might as well keep to a kosher/halal diet as far as possible. Thoreau, you know, kept to such a diet, more or less and even grew much of his food when possible. However, it occurs to me that I am not almost thirty years older than Thoreau was when he died and never followed any of those rules. So, well, I guess you might as well disregard this reply.

[ric]

its virtually impossible to buy white eggs in uk shops, were told that the uk public only want brown ones.   the white ones all go for industrial scale baking

[Peter S]

I seem to recall some years ago that “research” showed there was no difference in nutrition, etc, between brown and white eggs. We still seem to prefer brown ones, though, as Ric says. Any egg experts here? Does the shell colour depend on the hen’s diet or something like that? I know the free-range farm eggs we buy have a much darker orange yolk than the supermarket battery eggs, though the shells vary widely in colour.

[BlueTrain]

Okay, folks, time for more humor:

I just joined
The young man said
A nudist camp
Is my face red?
No!  I use
Burma-Shave

I'm old enough,
The old man mumbled
To recall the signs
Which means
My days are numbered.

[jbeegoode]

 
Dennis Craig Smith has a nudist's poetry book out. It is humorous stuff. Some very funny. I'd share some, but my copy is packed away in storage until I get into the next home.
Jbee

[jbeegoode]

Okay, this is a weather, global warming/climate change and a really big joke thread. I don't know if I have this posted here. Some of it was on the SNS site.. It has been unusually cool. Winter showed up about 6 weeks late, it stayed a couple of months too long. Spring of course was late and we are still having spring. June is supposed to be ghastly hot, windy until the monsoon arrives. No telling what will happen. This goes with the summer heat, that isn't here yet, but will come eventually.... I couldn't find any other nude jokes on my computer. So for John P.'s sake he's a really big joke. It's about time that we give him his thread back:

Ya know you're in Arizona when...

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.
You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
You can make sun tea instantly
Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sunscreen is sold year round and kept right at the checkout counter.
You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.
You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning.
You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.
You see two trees fighting over a dog.
You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves
You hear people say "but it's a dry heat!"
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
Kids ask, "What's a mosquito?"
People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.
You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arizona.
You take rain dances seriously.
When a rainy day puts you in a good mood.
When you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place - even in the dead of winter.
You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don't have to shovel it off your driveway. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
People break out coats when temperature drops below 70 degrees.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
Announcements for Fourth of July events never end with "in case of rain......"
Everyone's smiling and talking about the great weather on rainy days.
Welcome to Arizona, where summer spends the winter - and hell spends the summer.  ~Popular saying, modified from a booster slogan in the 1930s
Once, it was so damned dry, the bushes followed the dogs around
In Arizona, shade trees are your best friends.  (And occasionally the basis of small civil wars over parking.
It's so hot even my fake plants are wilting.
You know you live in Phoenix when the four seasons are:  tolerable, hot, really hot, and are you freakin' kidding me?
"Heat, ma’am!" I said; "it was so dreadful here, that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones."
You eat hot chilis to cool your mouth off.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You sit with your mouth open when you realize that most of these jokes are truths.
Jbee
 

 

[rrfalcon]

I flew into Phoenix a couple of decades back for a company training class, and on landing the pilot got onto the intercom with the usual announcements:

"Welcome to Phoenix.  You'll be glad to know that a cold front came through last night, so it will only get up to 105 degrees today."

[rrfalcon]

When it comes to funny jokes, I seem to recall that this one actually won a prize:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"